I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
