Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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