It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
