If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
