I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize