toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
