Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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