i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
