So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
