I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
