i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
