Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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