Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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