Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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