You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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