I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
