hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
