take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
