Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
