a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
