I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
