Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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