I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
