My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize