You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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