I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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