the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
why do cheetos always look like penises
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
