The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
