They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize