Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize