i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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