I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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