I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
