so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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