I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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