were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
