how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize