Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
