Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
