just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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