Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
