he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
