I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
