Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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