You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
