Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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