She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
