I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
