I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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