Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
