That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
