i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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