i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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