you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
