I want to have your abortion
Girls should come with a carfax report
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Holy shit dude........stairs
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
