Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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