note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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