She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
