Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Randomize
