I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
