I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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