Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
