My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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