Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
