Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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