Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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