Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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