when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My liver just had a heart attack.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
